Where to begin... I have no idea. Want to start with the good? Sure. Why not?
Work:
(Yes, work is on the good list this time) I got promoted!!! I'm now a store manager. I found out I had the job during the last couple weeks of August. My official start date was September 1. I'm SO much happier at my new store!
As an assistant manager, I was required to work 44 hours a week. It was somewhat salaried. I was paid hourly and my 'salary' was based on 40 hours and 4 hours of overtime. So, I made the same amount each week. If I went over my 44 hours, I would get overtime. It was rare, but it was nice when it happened!
As a store manager, I am required to work 48 hours a week. Salary. No overtime. I know for a fact that I have not worked less than 51 hours a week for the 4 weeks I've been at MY new store. Okay, I knew that was going to happen, and I'm okay with that. But I didn't factor in the drive. I'm driving about 50 minutes to work each way. So, let's just call that an hour. Hey, there could be traffic. So add at least 2 hours a day to each day, and no less than 5 days a week (although I've been working 7-12 days in a row instead). So that adds no less than 10 hours a week. Working that much, and adding the drive time is really working on me. I'm exhausted!
I can't be doing that bad of a job though! My store hit budget the first month I have been there! And October is starting out great too! I'm really excited about that! I have a new assistant manager (of course he's new to me... but I mean he's new to the company), and two part-timers. They all are good workers and I think we're going to have a great team there. :)
Social Life:
I have none. Next.
TV:
My TV went out! The picture went out anyway. I could still hear it, but that was no fun. So I cancelled my cable. Why not? Can't look at it anyway, so why pay for it? I now watch TV shows on the Internet or just do without. I've done this before - by choice - and after a month or so, I didn't miss it. So I know I'll be just fine for now too. :)
One year ago:
I was reminded just a little while ago that one year ago today I was in NYC. First time going by myself. Maybe only the second time ever. The first was when I was younger and I don't remember much about it. The guy that reminded me is someone I met one year ago today in NYC. He is from Italy. There is a lot of depressing things in my life right now, and THAT brought a good smile to my face. We spent the whole day together that day. It was one of the best trips I've ever been on, especially alone!
My Babies:
All three are still doing great. Penny is her usual self. Hates Blaze. :) Mini is so much more lovable, but I still can't really 'hold' her. Blaze, well, he's my little puppy dog. Ha! Love those kitties!
Family:
I have a new niece! She was born just 10 days ago! I got to meet her at 4 days old! Allison Cate. She's a little thing. So cute! Emma is a jealous big sister. Joshua is a great big brother!
Okay, now time for the bad stuff. Now where do I begin?
Brandon:
I guess I'll start from the beginning. A brief history anyway. A year and a half ago (March 2011), my step-brother Brandon, found out that he had caught a virus and that virus had attacked his heart.
Jump forward to October of last year. Brandon received a full organ heart transplant. He woke up 3 days after and was out of the hospital within 10 days.
From October of last year and on through the Spring of this year, he was in and out of the hospital some because of his rejection levels. But for the most part, he was doing great. He even took a trip to NYC during the same time I was there in April! We almost met up, but were at opposite ends of the city at the time we could have met up...
This June, Brandon went back into the hospital. The first few weeks were critical. Then he was doing better. (yes, this is the short, simple version) I saw him around the middle of June. Then I know I saw him again on July 27. I had an interview in Durham. I was advised to go see Brandon before my interview because the treatments he was receiving would make him sleep a lot. If I wanted to see him awake, I needed to go before my interview. So I did. I saw Brandon and his girlfriend, Liz, for about 30 minutes before I had to leave. When I got out of my interview, I called my dad. He said that Brandon had coded and that he was on his way to the hospital. I was just a 1.2 miles away so I raced back over to the hospital. I ran all the way up to the 3rd floor. My step-mom, Alicia, and Liz were out in the hall. Just a couple minutes later, we were taken to a room for the doctors to talk to us. (I'm being very real here and personal - so please, be respectful when reading this). Liz just straight up asked the doctor, 'is he dead'. The doctor paused for a quick second, looked down, nodded and said 'yes'.
It's so hard to explain that moment. I guess I was in total shock, because I couldn't show emotion. I just tried to hold Alicia or Liz and let them cry. I didn't understand. I mean, I JUST saw him 2 hours prior. He talked to me. We talked about some of his future plans. I told him I'd see him again either Saturday or definitely on Sunday. How could this be? He was so bad in June, and he pulled through. Things started functioning on their own again. He was doing better. If he could make it through a virus attacking his heart, a heart transplant, kidneys failing, and so on and so on... why? What the heck happened?!
I spend the next couple hours making phone calls, answering phone calls, hugging people, shaking, crying, and most of all wondering if I was in a bad dream. One of the worst things a person could ever have to do is tell another person that their son has passed away, or their nephew, or their grandson. I hope you never have to do that.
Tomorrow is Brandon's birthday. I'm having a difficult time right now. He should be here. Celebrating his 20th birthday. You hear all growing up that life isn't fair. Well, it isn't. It just isn't fair. Bad things happen to good people. It is just so unfair.
Grandma:
My dad's mom is sick. She has lymphoma. Chemotherapy is not working. Her cancer has spread. She is now stage 4. She doesn't know that now, but she does know it's bad. In this situation, I'm mostly sad. But I'm also a little angry. Why do we, as humans, get so angry at people we love? My grandma knew she had lumps in her neck. She knew before anyone else. It's her neck. Of course she knew. It wasn't until they were noticeable to others that she went to have them checked out. So may anger is in this: if she had said something sooner, would the outcome be different? If she hadn't waited, or been scared to go to a doctor, would we be celebrating a survivor instead of being scared of a loss? WHY did she wait so long? WHY?
But more than anything, I'm scared. I'm scared of losing 2 people in one year. Heck, in 6 months. Do not take that to mean that doctors have given her a timetable. There is not a timetable. My aunt is still fighting for treatments and cures. Anything to help my grandma. But is it a possibility to lose 2 people in 6 months time? Yes. Am I angry just at that fact? Yes. Am I scared senseless? Yes. Do I hurt? Yes.
I have decided to go to Florida, where my grandparents are right now. I'm leaving next week and will be down there for 4 nights. I'll be staying with my aunt. It will be great seeing them, but still difficult. Is it horrible of me to think about the fact that this may be the last time I see my grandma? Is that a horrific thought? I can't help it though. I mean, if the cancer is still spreading and the chemo isn't working, that's a legitimate thought, right? I will do everything in my power to be strong while I'm down there. I have to be supportive. And crying about the situation is not supportive. I think I'll be okay when I'm there. But here, now, I'm a mess. I don't want her to go anywhere.
Okay... I can't write anymore. Needless to say, this has been a difficult year. I struggle not being close to my family sometimes. I love being on my own, but during the hard times, it's so hard. And I don't have a lot of people here in this area that I can just call up any time. Some days you just want a hug. A shoulder to cry on (like now). I can call my family and talk, but that's not the same as having someone here. Instead, I have the cats to keep me company and comfort me. They make me smile each day. I'm very thankful for that. Extremely thankful.
Goodnight! Thanks for reading.
Okay... I can't write anymore.
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